How Social Media Shapes Trans Narratives and Relationships

A raw and insightful conversation unfolds between Shane Ivan Nash, Blossom C. Brown and Josiah, who shares his transformative journey through heartbreak, public scrutiny, and healing. 

His story, marked by experiences on social media, invites listeners to reflect on the complexities of identity and relationships in the digital age. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 20:30 Josiah's TikTok Journey
• 40:30 The First Breakup and Its Fallout
• 1:00:30 Addressing Domestic Violence Allegations
• 1:20:30 Lessons Learned about Vulnerability
• 1:40:30 Healing and Moving Forward

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This is the.

Speaker 2: 0:01

Transparency.

Speaker 3: 0:02

Podcast Show.

Speaker 2: 0:04

Welcome to the Transparency Podcast, and I'm here with a special guest that you might recognize on TikTok. But first I want to introduce my co-host, as always, my amazing partner in crime, my duo friend Blossom. Sebron Blossom, how are you doing today?

Speaker 3: 0:20

I'm doing lovely honey. How are you doing today? I am doing damn good. I'm doing lovely honey. How you doing today?

Speaker 2: 0:24

I am doing damn good. I've got somebody on the line who is a trans man, who has been creating his own platform, his own lane, and has really experienced some hardships on TikTok, while simultaneously trying to create a narrative and a space for himself trans man and creating that space even in gaming. Now he's streaming, now he's going into these spaces and I see him almost on live tiktok every night. But then something happened that was really interesting and I brought him here today so that we can get some clarification on what happened.

Speaker 3: 0:57

So are we getting the tea today, honey?

Speaker 2: 1:00

you know I.

Speaker 3: 1:02

It's always hot. Oh, he burned my tongue. Oh my gosh, it's so hot.

Speaker 2: 1:06

So let me introduce to you our amazing special guest, as always, josiah, or you might know him as PeacefulWarrior23 here on TikTok. Josiah, how are you doing today?

Speaker 4: 1:18

I'm doing good man, I'm wonderful, blessed to have you here, happy to be here with you and Blossom Super, super excited. I'm super blessed to be here with you guys.

Speaker 3: 1:27

We're happy to have you, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:31

So, first of all, how the hell did you even end up on TikTok? That is my first question, because from what I kind of saw is like I saw you had a partner who kind of had a following, and then you kind of like I felt like jumped into creation with them, like what was that story for you? How did you get there?

Speaker 4: 1:52

Yes, absolutely so. Prior to me, even being in a relationship with her, I had my platform, but it was a little bit smaller, and my intentions on my platform when I started my transition, it was very hard for me to like I would look up trans men, but I couldn't find anything like resources or like any helpful resources or even trans men that represented the same color as me. So it's very I'm like going through it, I'm like I can't find, like it was very hard for me. So once I started to like accumulate resources, I'm like I should share my experience with people, whether it's one person, two people. I never really expected my platform to be where it is today.

Speaker 4: 2:29

And then I met my ex, who was more involved with social media. I was still very uncomfortable with it and she just kind of drug me into her platform One of the first videos that she had ever posted of us. It got a thousand views. Um, in my platform I'm like maybe getting like a thousand views, maybe that's it. Um, and I'm very introverted, even doing content and stepping out and sharing my life. Um, it's very hard for me like I'm adjusting a little bit more now, but in the beginning I was very, uh, closed off to it. Uh. So, like one of the first videos that she had posted of us, I was like take that down. Like immediately. I was like that's too many people. I'm like I don't even know that many people. I'm like who's looking at us, um.

Speaker 4: 3:14

And then also the backlash. We received backlash as well because she identified as a lesbian and then I'm a trans man and it kind of put people like in an uproar, but then people accepted it. It was so much going on. So really I opened up more to support her because it helped her her platform also and then, once I got more comfortable, obviously I started embarking on my own platform. And then, once we broke up, it was, it was. Now. It's a completely different journey.

Speaker 2: 3:48

Yeah, and you know I was telling Blossom kind of a little bit about the synopsis of some of the stuff that happened to you and it's interesting that you're mentioning that you weren't quite comfortable with social media in the way that your partner was. And you know, from some of the content that I saw originally, like I saw you doing like some dance videos and stuff with her and stuff like that it was cute, but I could always kind of tell that you were kind of like a little uncomfortable sometimes. You know what I mean. Like I could see that maybe I was just reading way too hard into youtube because I have a tendency to be able to see the nuance of things.

Speaker 2: 4:27

But, um, I just noticed, kind of like, for me it seemed like this cis person was kind of, in a way, exploiting the relationship to a degree, um, for the platform and for their views, because they had such a large following, um, and as you were being added to their cons. Because I followed, um, the I followed cc as well prior, because I mean, I followed how many followers does she have? She was, she was at like two million or some big number or something like that.

Speaker 3: 4:57

It was, it was really big.

Speaker 2: 4:58

You know, she blew up um on tiktok because she would do a lot of these like inspirational kind of like wake up, you got to do your you know thing, and it really hit for people. And sometimes I would watch her videos like you know what you're right, you gotta wake up, you gotta. And sometimes those did hit you know right. But and that's also what drew me, because I saw her first before I saw josiah and then I was like, oh wait, she's dating a trans. Oh, I gotta find out about this trans guy. And then, as I'm finding out about him, it was kind of like, well, simultaneously you were going through um quite a lot, honestly, as you were showing up on my Tik TOK feed, I mean I was seeing people posting lives of you guys arguing about what happened and all of this stuff.

Speaker 2: 5:37

So my question is is like, how did that even really end up on the internet? Cause I mean people can have you know TIFs and stuff like that, but um, just just from even the jump, it kind of feels really exploitative on her behalf but I also don't want to add too much cause she's not here to chat but how, how did that make you feel in that situation and and and. What am I reading as a, as a viewer, did you? Is that valid? Like that uncomfortability, did you feel that way? Or am I just over reading that?

Speaker 4: 6:09

Oh, you're absolutely not. Like I'm actually kind of getting emotional right now and our first break, our second breakup was horrible, but our first breakup, I honestly. What a lot of people don't understand is I almost didn't make it through the first breakup. Like I'm not saying I'm the most perfect man, but I am a good man, and I felt as if she knew that and she utilized her platform to destroy me. Like first it started with the DV allegation. Well, no, actually it first started that we broke up with cheating allegations, which I wasn't really mad about. That Like hey, about that you can take that narrative and run with it. But the reality is we didn't break up over cheating. I just left her because she's losing herself as a woman and I wanted her to find herself.

Speaker 4: 6:56

Our first breakup when I broke up with her, my intention was to go back to her, but it turned into a lot of disloyalty and a lot of mess. So at one point in time I didn't think we would ever do that, but anyway it was humiliating. Like a lot of people don't understand that when someone assassinates your entire character and, on top of that, being trans and all those eyes on you, it's, it's a lot like I was getting hit on every single platform Facebook, tiktok, instagram, youtube, anywhere that I posted I was getting hit. The one thing that really well, the two things that really killed me the most were the DV allegations, because me, as a trans man, I'm already building myself as a man, so Josiah Peace is a brand new person that I'm trying to build and I'm doing that publicly also. So I felt like it was a point where I didn't even want to go by Josiah Peace anymore. I'm like she's ruined my legacy. She's ruined my name, my character, because I've never, I've never beat her. I've never, I've never hit her, put her in the hospital, hurt her. Now the reality is I've.

Speaker 4: 8:02

I sent a receipt of leaving me with a black eye and she's gotten online literally bragging how she's busted my nose, giving me a black eye, broke my ray-ban and that was like right before our last breakup, but it was humiliating, um, and I was getting bullied. She also opened that door for transphobia. Before our first breakup, I didn't get a lot of transphobia comments personally that one asshole was in there. But once she got online and disrespected my transition to her followers who were also a majority also my followers now too, because we shared followers. The ignorant people came to my comments and not only was it the BV, but then you're not a man, you're a fake man. You don't have this.

Speaker 4: 8:47

Critiquing every little thing about my transition, and that even more so, in a way of set me back in my transition and my even my ego with my transition, my thought process with my transition, my thought process with manhood. I was getting attacked in every way, like even from other trans men. So it was, my mental health declined rapidly, um, and I was also in the process of working from nine to five, um, and I called out I like I almost lost my nine to five that I worked for 40 years. Um, it was, it was. It was really bad for me, bro, I'm not gonna lie um I was seeing.

Speaker 4: 9:23

I was like it was a point where I was laying in the dark and I was seeing, like dark um, and I didn't think that I would ever come back from it because, like every time I would, there's reasons why, like people, like just eyes on live talking about cc. I was never talking about her. I was defending my name and anytime that I would have to speak on her it would be because she's completely assassinated my character and has not said anything. True, but the internet doesn't realize is that before. Cc is where she's at now and I don't really know what she got going on now. But before we had broke up, she was getting brand deals and stuff. She was making money, yes, but that was not always the case for her. You look at somebody's analytics and you pull any any TikTok creator's analytics.

Speaker 4: 10:05

When she was living with me in Florida, I provided the home, which I would do for any woman. I provided her home, I accepted her son. I did so much for this woman just for her to get on the internet and act like I'm not a man, I'm a bum. I never did anything. She took care of me, it was just it. Just it destroyed me, like on the inside, because there's so many people and I care about. Like I know you shouldn't really care about what other people think of you, but I care about my character, people that are around me. They only think highly of me. Um, so having a whole bunch of strangers say negative stuff at once and that's all my brain could process I I think I turned my comments off like at least two or three times because I was I really couldn't even take it.

Speaker 3: 11:22

So here's the thing, and I think people need to wake up DV is not just actual physical violence. It could just be having a simple argument with someone. It does not mean just violence, okay, so we got to also make sure we wake that up too. Now the thing is and I've been following the story'm one, I'm the audience, I'm new to all of this and so I'm trying to follow along, and so people have questions. So, with all this happening, you went back to her. Y'all got back together. Right, were you ever accused of having stockholm syndrome when y'all got back together?

Speaker 4: 11:59

No, I was not.

Speaker 3: 12:01

Okay, because that would be some criticism. Don't you think that people would probably say, oh, this person must have Stockholm Syndrome? Because if this person did all of these things to you, this person who loves you and who cared about you, all of a sudden, when y'all break up, she trashes you. People want to know why would you want to go back to that Is that is love. Do you not see the toxicity in that loving relationship? How do you respond to that when people say that, when they look at your situation?

Speaker 4: 12:33

Right? Absolutely, that's a very good question. Honestly, when we reconnected and we started speaking again, it was in regards to Zaden. Um, that is how that door kind of reopened. I don't. One thing really led to another and all I saw was okay, I could have my family back. Zaden was happy with the family. He was happy, as me being his dad. I'm happy, I was happy being his dad, um, and then, when he was not with me, like I couldn't be his dad. So really I got back together in hopes of trying to mend everything and forgive her and that sounds probably really really bad, um, but I did it for him there's no judgment here.

Speaker 3: 13:18

There's no, totally no judgment here too.

Speaker 2: 13:19

I mean from. It seemed like genuinely from the content, you were genuinely in love with cc as well.

Speaker 2: 13:27

You know like so there's the nuance of that, like nobody makes perfect choices in relationships and, um, I can, I can see, especially because I think to answer even your question on why he would go back, I think it's the nuance of also being a man in that relationship, because people, from what I saw, that was being thrown at you, it's like, oh, it's his fault, it's his fault, the relationship fell apart, it's his fault. It's his fault. And there is a tendency, because a lot of cisgender men make a lot of mistakes in relationships, for people to kind of jump in and create that narrative on which, in a weird way, is almost gender affirming. Let's find the silver lining there.

Speaker 5: 14:08

They see you as treating you as one.

Speaker 2: 14:11

But at the same time, you don't have the structural system to support you as a cis man when things go awry. So it's like you're, you're held accountable for the same style that cis men, because cis men have a lot of like. You know, if you were to look at a just a relate, you're like, oh, what did he do, you know? And and people have a tendency to do that and it's because cis men really they need to work on some stuff.

Speaker 2: 14:39

But trans men have this unique kind of position that I felt, for you was kind of exploited through her followers again, I'm gonna say allegedly, but I'm gonna just because I don't want to get sued, but, um, I feel like you were kind of exploited, like because, like her, it felt like her views would go down and then like some drama would happen and then her views would go down and then some drama would happen, and then her views would go down and some drama would happen. And I want to talk about kind of the DV situation. I actually have a clip that I found online if we could play that real quick just of CeCe, and I just want to give you a trigger warning. We don't have her in audience or in house, josiah, I just wanted to let you know she didn't come on screen.

Speaker 3: 15:21

No, we don't have her in audience or in house. Uh, josiah, I just wanted to let you know, we don't come on screen no we don't play that, I just want to play that

Speaker 2: 15:26

game. Okay, no, actually she's right here next. No, no, imagine we did that. Oh my god, that'd be messy. But no, I just want to. I want to give you a trigger warning because you are gonna see her.

Speaker 4: 15:39

I don't think I would have.

Speaker 2: 15:40

I would have minded it that would have been so if we could play this um, I think it should give some context to kind of what happened with the dv situation and some of the narratives that she was creating and how she was doing, if we could play that video in that clip playing my screen recordings of me crying.

Speaker 1: 16:02

How is that supposed to make me look bad? There's no way you actually did that, right? Please tell me you didn't. I don't think that was a good look for you. Like how we were saying earlier, I let people manipulate my mind. Like how I told y'all earlier, I went through domestic violence. I went through real domestic violence with my sperm donor and when I told somebody that we had a little altercation, they were like, oh, that's still domestic violence. Then I let that get in my head so I was like okay. So then I started going on the internet and started rambling on fuck shit, when really I let somebody when that shit made my mind and manipulate my abuse that I went through had me thinking that that was the same thing and it was so triggering for you I was so good very triggering.

Speaker 1: 16:47

I said I beat you back to a very dark place and I think that was another reason why, yeah, I was acting out the way I was. Yeah, if you look at, her, okay.

Speaker 2: 16:55

So I gotta tell you, josiah, just from even re-watching again just right now, like that looks like someone is manipulating a situation to not only convince you but to convince themselves that they have no accountability in their actions and they're shifting it on to oh well, it was somebody else that made me go live to talk about DV. It's like you have a platform of almost 2 million people and you created a narrative. Then you went on a podcast and said that it wasn't true and then you turned around and then went on a live with another trans man that you're now dating and basically I mean, let's talk about that live, because that I watched that live, actually live somehow, some way it came across my thing.

Speaker 3: 17:39

She looks angry, she if I, if, if I didn't know anything of the situation or whatever, I would say she probably punched him first because, like she looks, like she's just well we gotta say allegedly, because we don't want to like, like that's what it would give.

Speaker 3: 17:54

If I'm looking at that clip or whatever, I think she needs therapy. I think that she has a lot of wounds that she's projecting in that little segment. If you just really pay attention to her body language, the way she's trying to express herself, like there's a lot of anger built up inside of her and I think that it's going unchecked.

Speaker 2: 18:11

Yeah so if she's also bent, so like it's like she's been through dv in a lot of yeah, so she has that experience and I understand that trauma and I want to sympathize with that because it's real. But the dynamic that this is somebody who is dating trans people regularly, trans men in particular, trans men specifically. She ain't dating the girls, yet we find out she might need a view count after this because she lost her page. But anyways, listen, I'm petty, I don't care, don't come for trans men, if you come for, trans men.

Speaker 2: 18:44

You're going to see my face. I'm sorry that's just going to be the new reputation, but what I'm seeing in this situation particularly is like a cisgender woman that kind of used a trans man for content.

Speaker 3: 18:58

Wait, this is a cisgender woman. Yeah, she's cisgender. Now she white.

Speaker 2: 19:02

Just can you explain that Cause? That's a little she white adjacent.

Speaker 4: 19:06

There's a, she's a white adjacent. No, she says the N word.

Speaker 2: 19:11

Let's be let's tell the story Like let's talk about the narrative that she dances.

Speaker 4: 19:22

Is she latina?

Speaker 3: 19:22

she, yeah, she's puerto rican, she's puerto rican, dominican and um white, but she says she's from the island. Okay, she's also black too, I mean she's also black, so she's entitled to the n-word. Okay, she's entitled to it because it felt puerto rican and dominican.

Speaker 2: 19:33

I didn't know the full background because to me it felt like I was like is this a okay miss thing.

Speaker 3: 19:38

you get a pass because I was sure, cause we had to clarify that too.

Speaker 2: 19:43

We want to get it for the audience. She's entitled to the end she can have it. But looking at like how she kind of I feel like exploited you for views, and then when things I mean her views just felt like it was going down. And and the thing that really upset me too was when she used her son Um, yeah, no, she, she made like a video and I saw that video of him saying like oh

Speaker 2: 20:11

yeah, like, uh, josiah, where did he hit me? And he did something like. It was like oh right here. Something along those lines. Forgive me if I don't get it exact.

Speaker 4: 20:20

She um she manipulated his mind yeah that's what she did, in the same way that she said she was manipulated by some.

Speaker 2: 20:27

So it's again convenient, let's be real, convenient and it's dangerous. Especially I mean even before this administration, let's be real it was dangerous. But now, especially with this administration, it's like how do you say you love trans people, yet you're putting trans people that you date regularly at harm whenever you are ready to discard them? Because, quite frankly, like I don't really like how the trans man acted in that video alongside her. Um, I can also see maybe he was in an uncomfortable position. He did this. There's a power thing. He's new to meeting her. They're new to dating. There's a lot there there's. But, um, there was a toxic energy there that it's like he was not standing up brother to brother in that moment to sit on a live while she's misgendering you, saying all of the stuff she said about you. While even previously, before this happened, um, from my understanding, didn't you have your nudes leaked and things like that by her and she threatened to leak them because you weren't acting the way she like?

Speaker 3: 21:29

explain what happened with the nudes thing because revenge porn, revenge porn is never okay and I think it's illegal in states and stuff right I sent you.

Speaker 4: 21:37

I'm not sure if you saw it, but in one of the live clips that I sent you, like towards the end, she does it in there. Um, but she, she and I was actively working. So she, she did it actually a total of three times. So the first time she did it was on her tiktok live almost 2 000 people looking. The second time she did it she hacked my TikTok my backup TikTok account. She went in there, she stole money she stole about $150 from me and then she distributed the picture to all of our mutuals and then put it on our story in the middle of me literally working my nine to five. And then she hacked one of my very old Instagram accounts that I don't even know the password to, and then I sent you that receipt too. She posted it all on there and then was in the comments arguing with me back and forth like broke character, and then pretty much gave herself up. She was trying to act like me.

Speaker 3: 22:30

Wait, wait. Did I hear this correctly? You're nine to five. Can you repeat that?

Speaker 4: 22:35

Yeah, I was working at my nine to five and she was doing all of this to me. So, like I'm working and I get a text and I work from home at the time, okay, like Josiah, did you just post that um? And I'm like post what? And I went to my thing and like, literally, my hand was like this, like I couldn't even like get into the, the, the phone, like I was, my hand was like literally shaking, um, but I was really humiliated by that. Now, the way that she even got that photo is she's tries to push online that I was sending it to women and all this. If you listen to her, she goes for me saying she's going, goes for saying I think it's a woman to men, to the whole world. No, the reality of the situation is I did send that picture to one man, one man. And the reason I needed to send that picture to a man is because we had an eviction letter on our door. She was getting payments that were invisible. I didn't get paid for another two weeks. He was in my. You know that people being RDMs is offering strange things for a little bit of change, right, usually, typically, I ignore it, but I needed the money Like I couldn't wait two more weeks for all those fees to go on. It's like paying damn near half another month's of rent and then having to pay, turn around the payment again. So I bit great and I got paid. I got paid $500. I paid my the, the rent that I needed.

Speaker 4: 23:49

But where I messed up is I did not tell her and I will take accountability for that. I did not loop her into it only because I was human. As a man, I was embarrassed one. I a trans man. I'm showing another man that I'm not I'm not even sexually attracted to men. So for me to have to like open that door I was just humiliated and then to bring it to her. I didn't want her to feel like down about herself because she was the one that lacked the payments that I was relying on. And then she I didn't want um her to feel like she needed to go show hers, so I was just trying to take really one for the team and also I was embarrassed. So because I didn't tell her, she concocted, after going through my phone, a story in her brain and then, once we separated, I didn't even know she had the picture. She that's when she started going crazy with it, but she also utilized it to have people questioning my sexuality, like it was just, it was a lot, it was a lot.

Speaker 2: 24:50

Did she have a job ever at the time at all?

Speaker 4: 24:53

No, she worked at Universal for like one second, but she wasn't, she was not working at all, like she lived with me and lived in the home and it's funny that how you touched on it, just on being like a spectator on the outside, how you felt like maybe she could have been like exploiting me uh, allegedly for her, her platform. One of our major arguments would be that she wasn't doing anything. While living in my house, I was showing up for her 110%, taking care of her child, you know, providing a roof, working outrageous numbers, trying to pay for my top surgery on top of that, and then her son, like there was that's a lot of finances to take care of. So one of our biggest arguments were I didn't feel like she wasn't doing anything like in return and I'm not talking about financially there was nothing really there, mentally, emotionally. She wasn't really cleaning the house, things like that, where that was a red flag. But I ignored it because I felt as though like, maybe, like I'm being dramatic, maybe I'm I'm the one doing too much, but there was, she was not. I was. A lot of the time I felt like I was getting more and she was just taking.

Speaker 4: 26:01

And when we broke up. I told her I said my cup. Even in one of the emails I had told her my cup is literally empty. I have nothing else to give to you for my cup. I started to lose everything around me. My car had got a repo. I was getting eviction labs on my door. I wasn't even getting that when I was single, paying for my cup surgery by myself.

Speaker 4: 26:21

Before I got got with her, I had already started paying for my top surgery and I was a late in my rent. I was a late in my car. I didn't have any issues. So when the narrative that gets pushed like Josiah doesn't have anything, josiah doesn't know, I don't have anything because one I almost lost it all for her. Then I turned around and gave it all up for her to try to make things, in hopes to make everything work, and then when I realized and got the balls to leave, of course I didn't have anything because she took it all and I almost feel as though she moved me over to Texas, like, as like some type of like evil, weird plot, like it was just weird because she even came out later on and said that she's been talking to the dude. So it's like I don't get it, like I don't, you know.

Speaker 3: 27:06

So do we have video of the, of this new man, or yeah, she got. I want to see this, I want to see this.

Speaker 2: 27:12

No, and this video is interesting because he's even calling her out about, like how she kind of misled him. Uh, if we could play that, what?

Speaker 5: 27:19

yeah, yeah she. That's the last time she came out here to visit her family.

Speaker 5: 27:27

Her child came because her child came to visit his grandmother and whatever other family she has out this way. That's why her child is with her. I hit her up, said what you doing? I see you in my city. She said well, while I'm out here, I do want to have fun. I'm meeting up with other people. Of course, you know other content creators and shit like that. But she's like but meanwhile I do want to go to the beach in holly Hollywood and shit like that. All right, come on, let's go, I go.

Speaker 5: 28:04

Of course her son wants to do this stuff too. Her son wants to get on the ferris wheel, her son want to get on the roller coaster. That's why her son was with me. We were literally going to go. What is that? Santa Monica? Literally going to Santa Monica to get on the beach and all the rides and shit. That's literally why she wanted to go to Santa Monica. They both wanted to go there to get on the roller coaster. I don't know why. Shit is bullshit if we know, and the Ferris Wheel bullshit. Santa Monica Roller coaster don't even go upside down, but it's something they would start struck about doing. That's why the child was around me, other than you know, eating and all of that stuff and me playing with them, with the wrestlers and stuff, only reason.

Speaker 4: 28:57

So it's so funny that he says that they're both such horrible liars. Because it's so funny that he says that they're both such horrible liars? Because I love that you just call it straight out. No because no, I saw the live.

Speaker 2: 29:07

I watched him sit there and giggle and to me it was that whole thing of like I've got bottom surgery, so I'm more of a man than you are, so he's a post-op he's a post-op trans man so he's a trans man who likes to look down on other trans because they don't have pre pathetic like a trans medicalist situation and like the stuff that came out of her mouth, um, and kind of the way that even they navigated with their content.

Speaker 2: 29:31

I mean I saw him actively posting her and it was just really toxic. And I had one more question before we wrap up on, uh, on the finance. So, in terms of like finances and stuff like, were you guys like equally sharing the bills or was she covering your bills because, like I know, she has her tiktok following you said she doesn't have a job, so how is she able to cover the cost for, like, her kid and stuff like that. Because the narrative that like was put on the internet is like, oh, you're living off of her and, and from what it kind of sounds like, is that sounds kind of the opposite in a way. I mean, it sounds like you had the nine to five and you were providing, yeah, a space for her. Um, let me know if I've missed anything or something's off no, yeah, no, you're absolutely correct.

Speaker 4: 30:16

what a lot of the internet doesn't even understand is the way that she ended up living with me is because her mother kicked her and her son out. Also, people have this like you know perception when they see people with a large following, that automatically means money. Yeah, you know, she was not. She wasn't even making more money than my nine to five at that point in time.

Speaker 2: 30:37

When she started blowing up again on TikTok is when she accused me of false allegations of being so it created her following to go up, which I think is what really created her addiction in TikTok, because I've seen so many TikTok creators do that and kind of exploit themselves Not to say that we don't, you know, do things that are messy for attention, to get views. Let's be real, we do that too. But the way that she's doing it in the direct harm and then sitting there and saying like I love this individual and regularly dating trans men, I have a problem with that narrative because it's extremely dangerous to have two million followers and in this climate that we're looking at and just really disregard and spin the narrative in a way that again, you are a trans man, you're not a cis man, so you don't have cis women are a problem protection in the way that a cis man would be protected yes, when these accusations are being thrown at you.

Speaker 2: 31:31

um, and then just, I also want to give you an opportunity. Is there anything that you saw for other trans men and mistakes that you may have made that you can really, because I think you know how I see my masculinity and manhood is really like owning and taking accountability. I think it's really powerful for men to give to the internet, Because I know that that message has been skewed for you in so many ways and I want to give you an opportunity to really educate people that trans people exist. We experience harm in very nuanced ways and even within the our own LGBT community I mean, the T's now gone from LGB and most of the community is silent about it. What lesson would you want to give, especially trans men?

Speaker 4: 32:26

Absolutely so. The lesson that I really learned here is we do need to be careful of one who we are choosing as our partners and even just surrounding ourselves with in general. Because this woman I was completely vulnerable with, you know she was with me before I had gotten top surgery. Also, I've let her know the insecurities of my transition. She's willing to in and out to my transition and then later, because I was so vulnerable and I was able to trust her and that was, you know, my I guess more like my judgment on my end, and that's why I will take accountability I was so vulnerable with somebody that I knew in a sense didn't really love me but hoped for it more so, and then in the end found out the hard way who we're surrounding ourselves and which you know women or men that we are dating, because some people do look at us as a fetish. Some people do not actually, you know, have good intentions with us and when dating public figures, we need to be extremely careful on their intentions, because some public figures will prey on you and you know they like you and they want to be with you. But trans is different. It automatically does bring numbers and I had said that the other day and I got crucified and I'm like we are different. That's true. People are curious of us. So when a cisgender person dates a trans person and they do have a public platform a lot of the times the people are very much interested in the trans person and in the relationship and things like that. When dating public figures and things like that, you just be careful. It's okay to be vulnerable. Just make sure you're being vulnerable with yourself.

Speaker 4: 34:06

Um, also, with experiencing that, I started to think very toxic and I had to lean on you know, older trans men or even other trans men checking me. I had started to get like, um, kind of like a toxic masculinity, like a thought process with little things like, oh, we can't be so feminine. Yes, we can, that's not a problem. And I I had to learn like a trans man. A few trans men had checked me, like what do you mean? Like there's cis men that are feminine and masculine, like that doesn't even make sense. And I'm like you know what? Wait, hold on, you are actually absolutely right. But because I was being so crucified, I allowed the toxic thoughts and then I started criticizing myself and I'm like no, we can't be like that we need to be. We need to be like this, 100 percent manly, and we can't we can't even represent a little bit girly. That is not true.

Speaker 4: 34:59

Victim to that toxic thought process for a second and I had to rewire and be more open and understand that there is no rule book to being a trans man. You don't need to act like all the other cisgendered men, you don't. You could be 100% feminine and still be a trans man. There's no rules to it. Um, and I think I also learned that also throughout this whole situation with so many like my thought process kind of altering and then other trans men kind of like giving me advice and letting me know, because I was like I want to change my feminine traits, I don't want to have no feminine traits because I was constantly being critiqued and now I'm like I don't give a damn, that's who I am. If you think I'm sassy, then shit, I'll be sassy, that's. And now I'm like I don't give a damn, that's who I am. If you think I'm sassy, then shit, I'll be sassy, I'm still a fine-ass man. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 35:42

Like yes, you are just so, you feel me. I gotta tell you I had a final question too, because I wanted to know something go ahead, just how is Josiah Peace healing? How are you doing now, like? Let's talk a little bit about that, because this was a lot and we need to know how you're healing. What's going on? Do you got a new boo?

Speaker 2: 36:02

We'll see what's going on Also, he's got a new apartment actually. Oh, congratulations, Thank you. Thank you, See, I told you I followed you. Josiah, I know all your stuff.

Speaker 4: 36:16

You know I'm a man too. You are a real you. You are real. I'm calling you are real one. I honestly I feel great.

Speaker 4: 36:24

Um, you know, with the healing process there are some days that are harder than others, um, and this week was a little rougher. I like to be like, I try to be transparent with, also my community, because I want it to be a safe place I want people to see to like we are influencers, but we are people like you know, we feel, we feel emotions. So this week was very rough on my healing journey, but something I'm trying to focus on that I didn't used to do is I. I used to suppress my emotions and gaslight myself out of feeling how I felt and when I would feel myself about to cry, like you can't cry, like don't cry, like you're being, you're being a little bitch and it's like. Now I'm like no cry, allow yourself to feel that, breathe it, let it go and move on. So, day by day, it's definitely getting better.

Speaker 4: 37:06

In the beginning I was like this is never going to get like I'm going to feel like this forever. But as time goes on, I'm open to love, but I want to make sure that I'm presenting myself to my future woman, 100% healed and 100% a man that I know that she's going to be able to love and a man that's going to be able to provide. My transition is something that has really saved my life and I take very, very seriously. It's like a completely reborn. Even with my dating Before my transition, I was not the best person to deal with with them cheating and just because I didn't love myself and who I was. So there was a lot of like you know, messiness, and things like that. But I want to just make sure that I'm 100 healed and someone is receiving all of my love and all of me, because I know I have a lot to bring to the table. So I am, I'm definitely happy and healing. If that makes sense, I love it.

Speaker 2: 38:03

That's beautiful and Josiah.

Speaker 2: 38:04

I just want to thank you again, um, first of all, for taking this horrific situation that happened to you, and it sounds like the message that you've learned is that toxic masculinity, especially through all the nuances of what you experienced, even from another fellow trans man.

Speaker 2: 38:21

What happened to you, that you're not becoming bitter, you're becoming better as a man, and I think it's important for us, as trans men, to stand up for the feminine man and stand in that gap for them as well, and not create this toxic masculinity, because we can all exist, coexist and just thank you so much for taking time today to have this conversation, and I hope this is part of your healing journey too, and I just want to say you know, going out there and doing the stuff that you do and going on live, as messy as it may seem, you're getting attention on trans masculine stories, even if it's not perfect, it's not landing. We're barely getting our stories out there and everybody's expecting us to land it perfectly when we're barely getting the mic. So just thank you for, uh, the work you do, um, and I look forward to continuing to watch you grow as a man and um, and I hope that you continue to find more support and more of your tribe and Blossom. Do you want to close us up?

Speaker 3: 39:22

Sure, make sure you hit the subscribe button down below so that way you'll know when we post new videos like so, take a little time to enjoy the Transparency Podcast show. We'll see you next time.