Breaking Down Gender Misunderstandings

We explore the unique perspective transgender individuals bring to understanding gender dynamics and bridging divides between men and women. 

Our conversation reveals how experiencing life from multiple gender perspectives provides invaluable insights into dismantling harmful stereotypes and building unity.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Trans Perspective on Gender Experience
• 1:28 Understanding Men's Struggles
• 3:06 Building Unity, Not Division
• 4:39 Personal Coming Out Stories
• 6:57 Coalition Building Against Divisiveness
• 8:18 The Struggle for Trans Rights Today

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

fucking make situations hot and heated, and you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. When you go into a bathroom you're like, why the fuck am I hard anyways? Um, it's, it's. It's interesting to be in that and and to have that experience as a trans man because, like, I've been able to turn it on, turn it off by adding hormones or taking hormones away, and I can tell you flat out, like there are men's mental health issues that also are being dealt with and they also suffer from misogyny themselves, and that's the craziest against each other often even women perpetuate the misogyny on them.

Speaker 1: 0:32

It's like, oh, you got to be this way, you got to be that way you got to be whatever.

Speaker 1: 0:36

No dick size this, that and the other, and it's like men suffer from it too, and what I remember you were telling me before we got on it's like what is the purpose of our voice? Why the hell are we doing all this shit? What are we doing it for? My hope in the long run for at least my particular path in life is to really bridge the gap between men and women and the understanding of it, because I have experienced childhood as a woman, and what happened with amani khalif is exactly what I experienced as a child, because they they were like that's a man Cause I was like six feet tall in you know fifth grade and they were like what the so like.

Speaker 1: 1:10

I experienced that as a child. But I also experienced the hardship of what it actually is to be a man. I have a wife, I have the experiences that all that come with that, the trials and tribulations of providing as a man and showing up as a man, protecting as a man. All of that shit is also hard and also not discussed. So that's why this red pill content comes out and I kind of understand the like, the angle of where they take these young men and be like hey, we're going to help you, we're going to solve this shit. But as a trans guy, I want to be like hey, that is actually not what women want. I got women want. I got a vagina. Listen, let me show you. You know, and I want to fucking help guys out too, because the violence again that's perpetuated in the world comes from the duality of women being misunderstood and men being misunderstood simultaneously.

Speaker 1: 1:53

But women have we have right, we have so many environments in which we can vent about trans people are so important for this message, and I think it's why society has so many trans people right now, is because the gender wars are so fucked that we are actually popping up more and more to teach the life lessons to the, the greater consciousness as a whole, and I do feel like that's what I truly think experience systemic oppression at the hands of men, that sometimes we do not take men's issues seriously, and we.

Speaker 4: 2:23

I just want to say personally to everyone watching I have been accused several, many times of being a misinterest and I just want to respond to that. I am not a misinterest. I do not hate men. I do not believe that women are better or deserve more rights at all, but I do take issue with a pattern that I have witnessed in which men will be facing very real and very serious hardships and concerns and ostracizations based on their identity and, instead of externalizing that in a healthy way of trying to connect with other men and bridge those gaps, they will externalize it in a way that is attacking and dehumanizing women. That is the issue. It is not your hardship, it is not your struggle. We want to help you, we want to help you, we love you and we want to help you and see you succeed, because when you fail, it affects all of us. Yes, it does, it really does. We're not on a different team. We like have to live together and we are not against you in any way.

Speaker 3: 3:26

It's when you use your pain and your suffering as an excuse to attack women that I take issue like seriously, like when you say, like a race war, we don't have a race war, I was like I don't see that. I don't want that to happen because I feel feel like we've had so much time to grow and learn that we should be able to at least sit down and be like, hey, this really isn't what it is. We need to figure out ways that we can work around this. We need to figure out the schools. We need to figure out this life in general, the schools. We need to figure out this life in general, the things that we are teaching our kids right now. What are we teaching our kids? Our president can be this nasty person and still win. Are we teaching our kids that, no matter what, there's consequences to your actions and there's actually a better way to do things to make other people's lives better versus worse?

Speaker 2: 4:26

Yeah, I was. I want to share my coming out story with you guys because I feel like it's important, especially based on what you both just said. Yeah, I have a father who is from the South, like the South, yeah, uh, christian, super, and everyone. When I came out it was like, well, how are you gonna tell him? Like? Everyone was kind of like we knew, like you know, we're waiting for you, but how are you gonna tell that man?

Speaker 2: 4:42

Because my dad's very like, he's my dad's, he's like the patriarch of our family, he's like one, he's the one, um, and we're very close. I remember I called my and I told my dad when I was in college. I came out to him and I was like you know, daddy, whatever, whatever. And he said to me he goes again. I was afraid he's like I tell you kids all the time. He's like I had you. I know every single thing about you before you know it about yourself. My daddy and I are like this because he was like I'm not going to take all of this like past trauma of whatever I've been through with my. You know my, my religion and my, my big from the South and I'm not going to project that onto my son like this. I love my daddy because he did not fall victim to. You know what I mean. I was telling my partner this last night. I was like I'm so happy. You know what I mean. That's so rare, which is disgusting that that's rare.

Speaker 5: 5:28

That's for black men.

Speaker 4: 5:30

Black community really needs to do that better.

Speaker 3: 5:33

I actually have the same experience with my dad because I told him like Dad you've probably seen my Instagram. You see how I changed a lot and he's all like and we never had a good relationship Like. I was always with my mom all the time. So when I told my dad, I'm like dad, you know, this is what I am, this is what it is. He's all like baby. You always had a good head on your shoulders. You've always been accomplished in everything that you do, no matter what it is, and you've always made your own way and I love you, no matter what. And for him to be from the South also, that is a big thing, because that teaches anyone from the South, any black person within their families.

Speaker 3: 6:18

Acceptance is there, you just have to give it, ride it and then you all eat together. No matter what, we all going to come to the same home, we all want to come back to the same people, we all going to make money, we all going to win together. But when you take that second, that option and be like I don't want to deal with these people, guess what? Now I'm winning without you, and when I win without you, I'm gonna win big, oh for sure, like I'm gonna win the lotto up in here. And then when I win that lotto, guess what? You're left in the back, I'm in the front and anyone who was with me during that point is gonna win with me I love that we all understand the importance of unity, like in this room.

Speaker 5: 6:57

I genuinely appreciate that. I just really hate that. The reality of it is donald trump and the way that he weaponizes people, the way that he uses people. It's disgraceful, it's despicable, it's disgusting. But I believe that it will take us building a coalition amongst each other and having these conversations and carrying these conversations over that we can fight against that. You know what I mean, like as a trans woman. I just think about where I am in society now, especially being a black trans woman. Then, on top of that, I'm also native as well too, and so there's a lot of, there's a lot of like transphobia within the Native American community that I'm also a part of.

Speaker 5: 7:35

So you know, I look at where I am in this country today and where I stand, and I'm just exhausted yeah I have been out here advocating for black women, black men, uh trans men in general trans men I've been advocating for everyone, everyone, and I just want to see a return on my investment there's a phenomenon, have you seen there?

Speaker 4: 7:56

was this have you seen the like hashtag black rest or something like Black Women Rest?

Speaker 5: 7:59

Yes, I'm glad you brought that up because I have been contemplating whether I want to promote that, because, as a black trans woman, I need to rest too, but I can only rest for so long, because I know that if I rest too long I'm not going to be able to come back. Number one. Number two I could be in a place of detriment where I don't know if I can pull myself up. You know, as a trans person in this country, our rights to gender affirming care, our rights to be able just to use the freaking bathroom.

Speaker 5: 8:31

You know, my friend sarah mcbride is going through what she's going through in congress, which I'm so proud of her because I've known sarah for over 10. When I first became an activist, you know she was there with HRC and so you know it's just a lot happening. But I appreciate the conversations whether we agree or disagree that are happening around that, because that's how we build coalitions of understanding you.